You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
