I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
