easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
