I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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