Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
