Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
