He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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