Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
