considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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