Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
