I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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