i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
