craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
