First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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