i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
