Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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