I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
