having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
