Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
