one two three fourrrrnication!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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