My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
