You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
