I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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