totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
