Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
