he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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