he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
