he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
