I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
