WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm sobbing to NWA
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
