my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
