Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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