mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
