Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
