Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize