She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
