watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Boobs speak an international language.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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