no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
