I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
