That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
