If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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