Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
