I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I have post one night stand depression
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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