You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
