Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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