I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
