I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
