At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
