I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
