I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
